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What do women want, anyway? The sad truth is that women prefer a man who is charming, attractive and/or wealthy, to one who can install an Ethernet card. And we call ourselves evolved. So, you haven’t made your million yet, you missed some of those etiquitte classes and let’s just say you’re a little rough around the edges. But you’re smart and nice and you really, really want a girlfriend, so the good women will see through your unpolished exterior, right? Sorry. Women are looking for boyfriends, not science projects. But, that doesn’t mean that you are doomed to years of longing, dreaming and, well, you know. Out of the goodness of my heart I have created for you, the lonely hearted computer guru, a series of tips and tricks for winning yourself a woman. Think of it as The Rules for high tech 20 somethings.

Making Yourself Presentable

The first step to winning a woman is making yourself woman-worthy. Polishing the rough diamond, as it were (get your mind out of the gutter). The key to being presentable is not to stand out too much. Pick up an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. The majority of women that I know consider the men in those catalogs to be very attractive. You will note that they all pretty much look the same – short hair, toothy grins and nicely toned bodies. That is what girls want.

Let’s start with the hair. If your hair is longer than mine is, I will not date you. Case closed. Most women will agree. So, if your hair goes past your shoulders you should cut it. In fact, if you require any sort of hair accessory at all to prevent your hair from falling in your eyes, you should cut it. However, under no circumstances should you cut more than a few strands yourself. I am very serious about this. That means no shaving your head and no hacking away with scissors. Go to a barber and pay the nice man to cut your hair.

Once your hair is cut, your prime directive will be to keep it clean. This may seem obvious to some, but it is oh-so-often overlooked by others. You should wash your hair daily with shampoo, not bar soap or dish detergent. They are not the same, not even close. Girls will be able to tell the difference, so don’t even try it.

After your hair is in order, you will be ready to tackle wardrobe. Rule number one is that your clothing must be free of holes and stains at all times. That means socks too. I know that for most, this will necessarily mean decreasing the length of time between trips to the Laundromat, but if you are really serious about getting a girl, you will have to suck it up.

As far as what you wear, that is pretty much up to you. Make an effort to dress pretty much the same as everyone else, and you will probably be fine. Lest I leave you to fend completely for yourself, I would caution against T-shirts with 80s band logos or scientific equations, anything made out of sweatshirt material, anything that is more than two sizes away from your appropriate size (ask a salesperson if you do not know what this is), and anything in a color that you could not possibly be naturally occurring, even deep within the Amazon Basin. If you are completely at a style loss I would suggest visiting Structure or Abercrombie and buying whatever is on the mannequins.

Finally, we come to your body. If your idea of a workout is playing capture the flag online, it is probably time for you to hit the gym. It’s not that bad, I promise. Girls are not expecting Conan the Barbarian under your new, stylish clothing, but if your boobs are bigger than hers, it won’t turn out well. Start off with some cardiovascular exercise to strip away the flab (cutting back on pork rinds and ring dings probably wouldn’t hurt either) and add some weight-lifting for tone. This will not be a quick process, it will probably be 4-6 weeks before you notice any difference. Do not stop going to the gym after 3 visits because it does not seem to be working. If you keep going it will work, and in the mean time, you can watch the girls in spandex.

Once your hair, wardrobe and body are in order you will be but steps away from snagging yourself a real live girl. Tune in next time for How to Meet Women.

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