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The first step to meeting women is putting yourself in places that women frequent. If you are a working man or you attend a mixed gender high school or college, this should be relatively easy, and you may skip to paragraph two, sentence two. If you attend a technical university, this will be somewhat more difficult. As you may know, women contain large quantities of the hormone estrogen - which is why women are so girly. In a series on clinical studies, it was discovered that technical schools are like estrogen kryptonite, they slowly weaken the estrogen, causing women to lose their girlyness. Many women, in an effort to protect their precious estrogen, flee from technical schools. Those who do not slowly lose their girlyness and begin to wear sweatpants and grow facial hair. Presuming you prefer the facially hairless, attractively dressed kind of women, you will have to leave campus.

Lucky for you, many technical schools are located in very close proximity to “liberal arts schools.” “Liberal arts schools” are the anti-technical schools, they actually cause women to become more attractive. The effect is particularly powerful in schools that specialize in elementary education or nursing. What’s especially interesting about these schools is that they seem to repel men with career goals or the likelihood of success, making them prime mate-seeking ground for ambitious young technogeeks such as yourselves.

Put on your cleanest clothes and head over to one of these “liberal arts schools.” Bring your cellular phone and palm pilot with you – these are indicators of your wealth, a trait that many women from “liberal arts schools” are particularly attracted to. Do not, however, bring any sort of digital gaming device because these, much like technical schools, will cause women to flee rapidly.

Once you have arrived at the “liberal arts school,” you will need to find places to interact with women. Likely places might be the student union, the cafeteria or the library. Avoid trying to meet women in the dormitories or in the locker rooms. Although many women frequent these places, strange men entering these places are often labeled “creepy” or “criminals,” neither of which will help you get a date.

After you have selected your woman-meeting location you must scour the area for eligible women. Look for a woman sitting alone. Sitting alone makes women very unhappy, they will often prefer to sit with a stranger than to sit alone – this is good for you. (You may have noticed this phenomenon when women go to use a public restroom. In anticipation of the sitting, they will always bring a friend along to sit with in order to avoid sitting alone.) Select a woman sitting alone and politely ask if you can sit with her. She may say no, but do not be discouraged, move on to the next woman sitting alone. If you run out of women sitting alone, you might consider approaching a pair of women, however be very cautious. Women, particularly college women, have natural man repellent that has evolved over the years to prevent unwanted pregnancies. The man repellent of one woman is easily overcome, but when women combine forces the man repelling powers become exponentially more powerful, kind of like Voltron. Rumor has it that a man in Seattle actually had to turn gay after approaching a pack of 131 women on a church-group shopping trip because the combined powers of their man repellent prevented him from ever approaching another woman again.

If you succeed in overcoming the man repellent and gaining seating privileges near a woman, sit and begin in engaging in an activity. Appropriate activities would include reading the Wall Street Journal or Business Week, organizing the information on your Palm Pilot or casually leafing through large piles of cash. These activities show off your assets (read: money) and are likely to interest women. Inappropriate activities would include, but are not limited to, reading pornographic magazines, organizing items that come out of body orifices or any activity in which your genitals are exposed, even a little bit.

After engaging in your appropriate activity for some time look at your palm schedule. Make a noticeable display of being dismayed at an event on your palm schedule, then turn to your female tablemate and ask, “do you have any idea what a little girl might like for her birthday, my niece is turning two next week and I want to get her something nice.” This is perfect because it allows the woman to think of a woman’s two favorite things, babies and shopping. If the woman refuses to respond to this inquiry, it is obvious that she is really an alien and you should get away promptly before she sucks your brains out. If she does respond, you should pay close attention to what she says, even jotting down the occasional note. Be quite careful not to let on that you do not, in fact, have a niece and that you are merely trying to meet women. This will make the woman very angry.

Now that you have met a woman, you will have to get to know her. Tune in next time for advice on how to “Talk to Women and Make the First Move.”

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