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So, I’m sitting in my car the other day, stuck in some particularly awful traffic (how does a car hit the broad side of a bus? Not just clip it, but hit it dead center?), and listening to the inane banter of a morning talk show, when I catch this little piece of news: the Mexican government is passing out 70,000 maps of routes to the U.S. that detail roadways, watering holes, and distress beacons for Mexicans who are trying to illegally migrate to the U.S. o_0 What’s worse is that an AMERICAN humanitarian organization, Humane Borders, is the one who generated the maps in the first place. GODDAMN HIPPIES! I KNEW they’d ruin this country!!! >_< The Mexican government claims that 500 people died last year while trying to illegally migrate to the U.S. and that the maps are meant to lessen those deaths. Yet they also claim that they are not encouraging illegal immigration to the States. Right… so that must be why their “Don’t Go. There’s Not Enough Water!” posters discouraging illegal immigration are posted side-by-side with the maps showing where the water holes are.

All of this is occuring while animosity between America and Mexico grows. Tensions rise between the two nations because the United States has increased patrols along its borders, and plans to put up more fencing. We have a right to fence our borders, Mexico, so piss off! You’re only upset because the money illegal immigrants send back to their families totals $16 billion a year and is actually part of the Mexican national economy! Oh my God, you damn MOOCHES! Get your OWN industry and stop acting like parasites!

Look, I don’t have a problem with immigrants. You wanna come to the U.S.? FINE! Just fill out your paper work and suffer through the incredibly long process like everyone else! There are reasons we restrict our borders! And if you’re going to come here, learn the damn language! I don’t travel to other countries and expect them to speak English to me! Sure, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was going on, and I was almost crying when I ran across another American because I was so grateful to hear English… but I never for one second thought people should cater to me. Yeah, I know English isn’t the official language of the United States, but I don’t care. It’s the unofficial offical language so just suck it up and LEARN IT!

And for God’s sake Mexico! This isn’t an episode of Hogan’s Heroes! Build your damn tunnels elsewhere! And stop trying to piss us off. We’re not going to invade your crappy country! We don’t want it! Now, Canadia? THAT’S a different story… we’ve already managed to get a U.S. sympathetic Prime Minister elected. It’s only a matter of time, America Jr.

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