I have uncovered the best news for men since… well… since EVER!!! Not only have I introduced several men to the visual enticements of Alizee, but now I bring you a ground breaking, mind blowing reason for you to drink as much beer as you want! That’s right, men. Drink up! According to an Oregon State University study, drinking beer can actually PREVENT PROSTATE CANCER! No longer will you have to listen to your significant other complain about your drinking. Now you can simply ask them whether they’d rather you die from prostate cancer. The only possibly drawback of this (if you can even consider it one) is that you would have to consume 17 beers a day in order for it to be effective.
Now, now, I hear you. “Won’t drinking 17 beers a day damage my liver, and I’ll die anyway?” (We shall ignore the fact that you’d constantly be drunk from sun up to sun down and would have problems holding a job long enough to buy the beer that would prevent your prostate cancer.) I say NO! Not only can you drink your 17 beers, but I have also found a way for you to save your liver! Drink coffee! That’s right! According to a different study, people who drink coffee (at least two cups a day) are less likely to develop liver disease than non coffee drinkers. It’s not proven that caffeine is the magic ingredient, but it’s likely.
God has finally rewarded you, men, for many years of having to consume vast amounts of fruits and vegetables while drinking sparkling water. Now you can drink all the beer you want and counteract the effects by chasing it with coffee. Hell, why not combine the two and have coffeebeer? Or if caffeine is the answer, then why not drink caffeinated beer? Sure, you’ll be hitting the bathroom more than just a little bit, but you’re men, so you can technically go anywhere with ease (as evidenced by the numerous homeless people I walk by daily who are relieving themselves on the corners of buildings, on streetlamps, in alcoves, etc.)!
This is your time, men! REJOICE!
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