Several years ago, a close female friend of mine showed up at my house on a sunny day wearing what I thought at the time were the most hideous pair of oversized sunglasses I had ever seen. I asked about them and she joked that she had lost her good sunglasses and picked that particular replacement pair up at a local gas station for a dollar. She admitted they were hideous, but she wore them more as a joke and to rebel against fashion. Little did I know at the time, that I may have witnessed the start of a truly embarrassing fashion trend.
Just today walking around San Francisco, I could not look in any direction without seeing a young woman with gigantic plastic monstrosities on her face. Don’t get me wrong, I have made similar mistakes myself. I look back at my youth, specifically junior high and high school, and remember fondly the fashion miscues of my generation. Mullets, parachute pants, zoombas, hammer pants, rolled up jeans, acid washed anything, etc. They are funny yet embarassing memories. I have often wished I could go back in time and not commit those sins against mankind. But alas, I cannot escape what I did, all I can do is warn others. So I make the following plea to women everywhere:
Stop the madness!!! Those glasses are hideous and I mean absolutely hideous. They dwarf your face. They make your head look miniscule. In fact sometimes a man can’t even tell what you look like at all. Collectively, people are laughing at you, you just can’t see it through the dark brown plastic trashcan lids covering your eyes. Those Chanel CCs on the side, real or fake, are just hilarious. Here’s a suggestion: wear sunglasses that fit your face, that block UV rays, that look reasonable, in essence sunglasses that won’t haunt your dreams in the future. Heed my warning. If not you will look back someday and think about youself what many people are thinking now: “Good God what is she thinking?”
P.S. One last comment for now. Capri pants suck. Guys don’t like them. Unless flooding is expected, buy shorts or pants, you can’t have it both ways. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but somebody needed to tell you eventually. Now carry on.
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