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Ah, the University of California at Berkeley. One of the most pretentious schools in America. Not pretentious because rich, snooty kids riding the wave of their lineage litter the campus. No. They are pretentious in a, “We care about the environment and politics and will eventually influence you all to be dirty hippies” kind of way. They exude self-righteousness and waves of that unclean smell. You know what I’m talking about. It’s not exactly B.O., but it’s unclean. They hang their homemade signs on the pedestrian walkway over Interstate 80, chastizing us for not being more politically minded, as they continue demanding the impeachment of President Bush (no comment), the end to the war in Iraq, and cessation of animal cruelty.

Your days of dirty hippie, environmentally friendly, pot-smoking, political indignation is at an end UC Berkeley!!! Know why? You’re posers!!! You miserably FAILED a nation-wide civics test!!! According to the Intercollegiate Studies Institute’s Civic Literacy Report, out of 50 schools tested on American civics, UC Berkeley came in at #49!!!! Also at the bottom of the list are several ivy league schools including Standford and Yale. My current school, the University of Washington, came in at #26, which by no means earns a place on the podium, but still provides the delicious satisfaction of being able to make fun of UC Berkeley.

So, you can take your anti-war protest signs that clog traffic and make me late to work and piss right the hell off! You know nothing about how this country works! How can you protest what you don’t understand? You need to know this nation’s history and how we progressed in order to understand how we got to where we are today. I’m not defending President Bush or the “war” in Iraq, or the maiming of sweet puppies, and I’m not claiming to be all knowing when it comes to American civics. But then again, I’m not the one pretending to know what the one true political path is either.

That’s right, UC Berkeley. Get off your damn high horse and shut up. You can post your anti-war signs again once you earn the right to remove that dunce cap and come out of the corner.

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