It’s bad enough when establishments charge the same price for a smaller item. Take Starbucks as an example, where a double-tall espresso drink (a tall drink with two shots of espresso) costs the same amount of money as a grande (another drink with two shots of espresso, albeit with more milk/syrup). In other words, if you want an espresso drink with two shots of espresso, you get more for your money by ordering the grande.

That’s fine if you’re okay with more milk and sugar, but let’s say you want something less filling, but with an equal amount of caffeine. Shouldn’t the double-tall drink cost less, since you get less?

Adding insult to injury, after a long wait for our drink today, the teenage barista behind the counter apologized, and told us he’d upgrade our drink to a grande to make up for it. Upgrade? By giving us a drink we didn’t want that costs the same as the one we ordered? Thanks for nothing.

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I have no problem with gay men. In fact, some of the nicest, most fun people I’ve ever met have been gay. My issue is with those men who assert they are definitely NOT gay, but clearly are. By looking at my various friends, I’ve been able to compile a list of tell tale signs that just may help you. Stop hiding, and get out there like a has-been ‘N Sync boy-man starved for free publicity, and admit you’re gay! (Or at least bisexual.) So, take a look below and see if you are repressing your inner gay!

Seven signs you’re a gay man:

1. You’ve ever said, “I know I’m not gay, because I made out with a man and didn’t like it.”

Sugar, I'm sorry, but if you've made out with a man you're hiding your gay (and not very well at that).  No completely straight man I've met has looked at another man's stubbly face and thought, "Gee. I'm attracted to that, but am not sure.  Maybe I should test it out."  And for the record, using this as a line to pick up women, does not work.  You may as well pack it up and head home for the night, because you're not scoring, my friend.

2. You wear more make-up than your girlfriend.

Now, now... I know.  Wearing make-up can be a goth thing, and I'm down with that, but make-up does not belong on a man unless you're an actor on stage.  Notice I said "on stage".  That does not mean you can be an actor and wear make-up in your every day life.  If you insist on wearing make-up, it's either black or nothing.  It's a slippery slope, though.  Once you start wearing make-up, it's only a matter of time before you start experimenting with different colors, and then you may as well hang up a diversity flag and buy a pair of pumps and a nice dress.

3. You wear make-up and have commented that you look “pretty” with it on.

I think this needs no explanation.

4. You’ve ever engaged, wanted to engage, or asked your girlfriend to engage in pegging.

I have no problem if you want to experiment with sex.  That's fine.  You want to use handcuffs or a sex swing?  I don't care.  It's your choice, and I won't mock you for it (to your face).  But when you convince your girlfriend to use a strap-on and pound you in the ass like you're her bitch while maintaining that you're a straight man?  ... I can't get behind that.  Taking it in the rear = gay.

5. You claim rolling around on a mat with a sweaty guy’s ball sack in your face is “martial arts.”

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is not a straight man's sport.  Neither is wrestling or any other sport that ends in one man straddling another or pinning a man to a floor.  Yes, I agree that it is certainly athletic, but so is sex.  Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is simply dry humping.  As an extra bonus, if you have a book of the various positions anywhere in your home, but especially near your bed, you need to stop, take a deep breath, and say, "I am gay."  You'll feel much better.

6. You drag your friends to a club because it has “the best music in city,” and it turns out to be a gay bar.

I'm sorry, but no matter how great the music is, if you choose a gay club, you're gay.  No amount of denying it will work.  If the bartender knows your drink order without having to ask (Cosmopolitan), don that tiara.  It's time.

7. You enjoy watching or have ever participated in two-man luge.

There is nothing gayer than two-man luge.  Nothing.  Gay sex isn't as gay as two-man luge.<hr /><strong>Similar Posts:</strong><ul class="similar-posts"><li><a href="http://mendax.org/2006/06/14/attn-women-stop-the-madness-large-sunglasses-are-hideous/" rel="bookmark" title="June 14, 2006">ATTN WOMEN: Stop the madness &#8211; large sunglasses are hideous!</a> - Several years ago, a close female friend of mine showed up at my house on a sunny day wearing what I...</li><br />