When we decided to adopt an American Pit Bull Terrier (APBT), we knew that we’d be fighting an uphill battle against the ignorant masses. Thanks to exaggerated, biased media reports that sell their stories by promoting fear-mongering, the press has demonized a number of dog breeds under the “pitbull” label. It’s unfortunate for a variety of reasons, not the least which is the euthanizing of hundreds of “pitbulls” in shelters across the United States.

While we did a fair amount of research into the APBT and related breeds, it’s since become more and more obvious to us that the media is still on its mission to place blame on the wrong parties. The Michael Vick story helped bring certain elements of the issue to light, but the damage to “pitbull” breeds was done by Sports Illustrated years ago, and the damage likely won’t be undone for many years to come, if ever. And it’s not just the media, but regular folks who regurgitate untruths because they simply don’t know any better. For the purpose of promoting facts, let’s clarify some points for those whose knowledge of “pitbulls” is based entirely on hearsay and partial information.

First off, there is no “pitbull” breed. The media lumps several breeds under this label, to include the APBT, American Bulldog, American Staffordshire Terrier, Bull Terrier, Staffordshire Bull Terrier, and others. This even includes mastiff mixes and other mutts. Basically, any dog that vaguely visually resembles a stocky, yet athletic dog, similar in appearance to the APBT, is designated a “pitbull.” Interestingly, the APBT is the only breed with “pitbull” in its name, and it’s the second smallest of the aforementioned breeds. In fact, of those breeds, only the American Bulldog typically exceeds 85lb in weight. Stories of 100+lb pitbulls refer to mastiffs or mastiff mixes. The APBT, for example, maxes out at around 60lbs for a male. APBT’s on the lower end weigh as little as 30lbs. But to understand the “pitbull,” one has to know more than its size.

A little history.

One of the first things anyone will tell you about the “pitbull” is that it was bred to fight other dogs, but this is only a half-truth. To understand the whole picture, one has to go even further back in history. All of the aforementioned breeds have a common ancestor: the old English bulldog. This bulldog breed weighed 45 pounds average (the median weight for an APBT), and was a working dog that technically no longer exists. It was also the father of the modern-day English Bulldog, which is derived from a cross-breed of the old English bulldog and the Pug, and further bred for certain aesthetic elements, resulting in today’s rather unhealthy breed. Its ancestor, on the other hand, was a very powerful, agile, working dog.

The old bulldog breed was named after a sport that placed the breed in high demand: bull-baiting, a sport later outlawed. Mind you, it was also used for other working tasks of the era, to include pulling loads, working cattle, and other farmhouse activities. Nonetheless, the popularity of bull-baiting made the old English bulldog a popular breed, and it is said that the breed was derived of smaller mastiff stock, later bred with greyhounds to increase agility.

The sport of bull-baiting required two important factors, which remain with modern-day APBTs and many “pitbull” breeds. Firstly, strong jaws were required in order for the dog to grab ahold of a bull’s snout and hold on despite any movement by the bull. It is important to distinguish strong jaws and the behavior to hold on at all costs with “lock-jaw,” however, which is a myth. Where the myth of “lock-jaw” originated, we don’t know, but there is no physical mechanism for a dog to “lock” its jaws in a bite. In fact, “pitbulls” don’t have exceptionally stronger bite strength than other dogs, but merely retain the knack of holding onto a target. Most other breeds, when confronted, have a tendency to snap, gnash, slash, and tear. Secondly, “gameness” was required to confront an enormous, bucking bull. This fierce courage would become an important trait for a bulldog’s success in the “pit.” Note that the “pit” in “pitbull” refers to a hole that the bull, and bulldog, were placed into for bull-baiting. It does not refer to a dogfighting pit.

When bull-baiting was banned in 1835 by British Parliament, the bulldog’s popularity declined. Around that time, dog-fighting began to rise in popularity, and it was then that the bulldog was bred with trace amounts of old English terrier in order to increase the breed’s agility. These terriers, too, were known for their gameness. The resulting breed, still quite similar to the bulldog of old, became known in the US as the APBT, while in England, it was named the Staffordshire Bull Terrier. By the 1960s, dog-fighting was banned in most US States, with the last State signing off on the ban in 1976.

The American Staffordshire Terrier is of the same stock as the APBT and Staffordshire Bull Terrier, only bred further for the show ring (and to distance the breed from dog-fighting). The APBT and Staffordshire Bull Terrier, meanwhile, remained working dogs. While they were favored by dog-fighters, they were still used for a variety of working purposes, much like their bulldog ancestors. In fact, so respected were these dogs, that the US adopted the APBT to symbolize America: friendly, courageous, hard-working, and loyal. Indeed, the APBT was considered such a good family dog, and so good with children, than it was referred to as the “nanny dog.” The dog in The Little Rascals: yeah, it was an APBT.

How was the APBT’s reputation not marred back then, despite dog-fighting still being legal in the United States? One reason is simple: traditional dog-fighting did not tolerate human-aggression. In a typical dog-fighting ring, not only were there two dogs, but there were at least two people inside the ring as well, constantly re-positioning their respective dog’s bites for scoring purposes. With human hands in such close contact with fighting dogs, mid-fight, signs of human aggression were not tolerated. If such aggression materialized, the dogs would immediately be put down. Thus, the only fighting dogs that were further bred were those without any signs of human aggression. So it was no mystery that these same dogs, fierce in the ring against other dogs, would be very good household companions. After the ban on dog-fighting was put in place, dog-fighting naturally declined. Most APBTs involved in the sport were re-integrated in the general house-pet populace, along with their non-fighting APBT brothers, and their American Staffordshire Terrier cousins. Since, the APBT has continued to excel as a working and family dog.

Today, dog-fighting lives on, primarily in low-income, high-crime areas. Dog-fighting is linked to the drug trade and violent gangs, and it’s no surprise that most dogs used in the ring for this purpose lead pretty awful lives, not just when they fight, but in their daily lives as well. They are generally uncared for, malnourished, and never properly socialized or trained. Sadly, APBTs are often still favored for the sport, because what made them great at bull-baiting, and in the dog-fighting of earlier days, also make them great at dog-fighting today: their bite-and-hold, gameness, strength, and agility.

Regarding aggression.

Sites like dogsbite.org suggest that “pitbulls” are dangerous, but in actuality, sites like dogsbite.org lie. In this case, it’s a matter of the site owner having been attacked in the past, and now going on a rampage against “pitbulls” out of ignorance. Truth is, the “facts/conclusions” on those sites are made up, and not actually supported by purposeful studies, if any real studies whatsoever.

Based on the history above, there’s an obvious correlation between dog-fighting and APBTs, even though it’s not what APBTs were specifically bred for. Moreover, other dog breeds were used in dog-fighting too. However, the APBT’s traits have made them a choice breed for the bloodsport, in much the same way the breed excels at other working tasks: the “Superdog” title is used to describe any dog that has earned UKC titles in four areas open to all breeds, namely conformation, agility, weight pull, and obedience. Twenty of 47 Superdogs have been APBTs, and nine others Staffordshire Bull Terriers. That means over half of all Superdogs are of the same bulldog/terrier stock, illustrating just how intelligent, athletic, and flexible these dogs are. Similarly, three out of nine UKC Ultradogs were APBTs.

But back to aggression, the CDC’s Dog Bite Fact Sheet draws no conclusions based on breed.

A CDC study on fatal dog bites lists the breeds involved in fatal attacks over 20 years… It does not identify specific breeds that are most likely to bite or kill, and thus is not appropriate for policy-making decisions related to the topic… There is currently no accurate way to identify the number of dogs of a particular breed, and consequently no measure to determine which breeds are more likely to bite or kill.

The American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) concurs. For a longer read, The Pit Bull Placebo has additional facts supporting the CDC’s and ACMA’s claims.

Still, those who claim that the APBT is aggressive relies on the APBT’s dog-fighting past. But as the KC Dog Blog points out, it’s been over 70 years since the American Staffordshire Terrier was formalized, and with most State bans against dog-fighting being enacted in the 1860s, one can reasonably argue that there have been at least seven generations of dogs that were not bred for the ring, so even if a genetic disposition for canine aggression existed, it likely wouldn’t exist today.

And even if such a genetic disposition were scientifically proven to exist in most APBTs today (it hasn’t), it still wouldn’t indicate any level of human aggression, and if anything, would likely debunk any claims of human aggression at all, considering that the very practice of dog-fighting would have increased canine aggression at the expense of human aggression.

So then why does the media focus so highly on “pitbulls”? Well, for one, the media doesn’t care about the truth: sensational headlines sell papers. And really, if the average person can’t differentiate between breeds, what makes anyone think that a journalist can? In fact, DNA testing of dog breeds suggests that visual breed identification is only about 12% accurate. That’s why most shelters refer to any medium-to-large size, black dog as a “black lab mix,” and why “shepherd” mixes are unusually common. The reality is that aesthetic breed-specific traits are notoriously difficult to identify visually, which is why the media lumps so many breeds into the “pitbull” category, despite the fact that many “pitbull” dogs demonized aren’t even of the same bloodhound/terrier stock. This, of course, brings us again to the 100+lb “pitbull” stories, which are in all likelihod mastiff mixes, else dogs from “backyard breeders” who have spent years developing ill-tempered, unhealthy breeds for certain aesthetic characteristics (i.e. low, stocky build, bent-out shoulders, etc). For those who do argue genetics, note that most of these larger “pitbulls” were bred with mastiffs, which were not bread for any human bite-inhibition.

Don’t blame the breed.

The media isn’t just wrong to demonize based on breed, it’s wrong for forgetting what real investigative journalism is. If visual identification of breeds doesn’t work, then why not look for facts that do correlate between dog attacks? The recent killing of a two-year-old girl in Virginia has elements common to similar news stories.

1. The dog was a “resident” dog, not a family dog. In other words, it was not part of the family routine, but instead left outside and not fully integrated into the family.
2. The dog was chained up. This is generally considered a poor way to restrain a dog, is unhealthy, and yet by many dog-fighters, is considered good practice to toughen up a dog and build strength.
3. The neighborhood the incident took place in was below the poverty line, suggesting that the family likely lacked the education, and means, to raise a dog properly. In fact, the dog was probably malnourished, and was probably not routinely taken to the vet, either.
4. The family was obviously negligent. If a two-year old child can wander outside on its own and escape it’s mother’s watch, then imagine what little care the family had for the dog in the first place.
5. Given the family’s financial situation, it’s highly unlikely that there were any lineage papers for the dog, so there’s absolutely no evidence of breed identification in this case, bringing us back to the limitations of visual breed assessment. For all we know, especially since there are no pictures of the dog readily available on any site reporting the attack, the dog was a chihuahua. Aside from the dog’s age, was there anything descriptive about the dog noted, other than that neighbors (who were similarly ignorant) referred to the dog as a “pitbull”?

What all of this comes down to, like many other things, is education. If we had our way, we’d require any potential dog-owners to acquire a license before adopting a dog, to prove that they have the means, and education, to properly care for their pet. (Indeed, this should probably be extended to children also, but let’s discuss one thing at a time.) With no desire to truly incorporate a dog into one’s family dynamic, and no plans to properly train and care for a pet, one does everyone a disservice, and it’s no surprise that a child has died from these circumstances. While the investigation into this last specific case is still ongoing, I wouldn’t hesitate to pass a good chunck of the blame onto the parents here, and file criminal charges against them.

In any case, let’s stop with the stereotypes: with experts concluding that there’s no evidence to justify breed specific legislation, let’s end the “pitbull” hate.Similar Posts:

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When questioning the legal implications of open wi-fi network usage, Computer Technology Review (CTR) posted a fair summary of the issue last month. CTR noted that relevant laws in this area aren’t really that relevant at all, since they predate wi-fi usage and were established instead to combat blackhats from gaining unauthorized access to computer systems for the likely purpose of malevolent action. Today, the issue is muddied because not all wi-fi networks are intended to be secure.

A person might not password protect their Wi-Fi network because they believe in open Internet access and they welcome others using their network. Other people might not password protect their Wi-Fi network because they forgot to do so or lack the technical skill. These people may not want others to use their Wi-Fi networks. Due to the mixed views people have in regards to open Wi-Fi access, it is impossible for someone to distinguish which open Wi-Fi connections are for the benefit of society and which are open merely due to a person’s failure to install protections.

In many cities, it is not uncommon to find open wi-fi networks for free public use, often with names not necessarily indicative of this purpose. Similarly, these same cities are home to networks that appear open, but are heavily restricted. The SSID of a given wireless network is simply not a good indicator of the network’s purpose, because SSIDs can be arbitrarily named, and can intentionally be made deceptive. Quite simply, knowing that sharing a broadband connection is legal, and that some wireless networks are open with the intent to be shared publicly, roaming computer users have no inherent ability to determine which networks are intended to be private. While this may be seen as a negative trait to those arguing against the legality of open wi-fi usage by the public, it’s a merit of the wi-fi framework: why should wi-fi equipment require the broadcasting of a “private” versus “public” flag when there are already numerous options for network administrators to prevent unauthorized usage. For one, not only can wi-fi operators password protect their networks to prevent public use, but they can also prevent a given network’s SSID from broadcasting at all. And then there’s other network obfuscation techniques such as changing one’s wireless network frequency and/or channel. In other words, the 802.11x framework already contains numerous mechanisms for denying access to the average computer nomad.

Legally, it’s folly to prosecute access of an open wi-fi network. If the accessing agent continues to engage in malevolent behavior once on the network, there are plenty of laws on the books to punish the individual in question. And that’s precisely why there’s been little headway in making simple wi-fi access illegal: it’s a grey area that favors the roaming computer user, not the network administrator. We simply don’t need additional laws curtailing wi-fi access because the social context of access, and the administrative options of wireless routers, already alleviate these concerns where existing computer crime laws are not applicable.

People who are supportive of laws criminalizing access of open Wi-Fi networks have compared accessing an open Wi-Fi network to walking into a person’s home just because the door was unlocked. However, the act of walking into a person’s home uninvited is commonly known to be a crime, and while it may be similar to a person hacking into another’s computer network through a firewall, it is not similar to merely accessing a Wi-Fi signal outside of someone’s home or business. Open Wi-Fi connections are more like open radio signals or even music being played inside a business or a home that can be heard outside. The radio signal and/or music has come to you, you have not actively pursued access to it without authorization.

Perhaps the crux of the matter is really about effort taken by the network owner in preventing unwanted use. Most internet service providers do not include wireless hardware with their equipment offerings. DSL and cable companies provide a modem requiring an ethernet connection. This means that end-users must specifically opt into using wireless equipment, usually by purchasing a wireless router. As soon as thisis done, the burden of securing the wireless network is on the broadband subscriber. We can argue that such routers should, perhaps, default to a setting in which one’s SSID is not broadcast, or with a password pre-set. However, since every router comes with a manual describing its settings, to claim ignorance that one simply didn’t know that a random person could gain access to one’s network without making the appropriate changes, is folly. After all, the very nature of wi-fi is explosive – radio frequencies emitted from routers are generally designed to be sent in all directions, even through walls. While wi-fi blocking paints (lead and otherwise) are available, drastic measures like these need not even be taken: a simple virtual toggle, explained in a user’s router manual, does the trick just fine. If you don’t want your neighbors watching your TV through your window, then close your curtains. The price of living in a populated area means taking additional steps to preserve your privacy.

That said, there’s still an ethical factor to this equation. If we acknowledge that the real burden is on the network owner, because he is the one responsible for the use of his hardware, we can still question the morality of hogging a router’s bandwidth. After all, just because it’s legal for someone to access a random, open wireless network, does not necessarily make it ethical to burden that network with bitorrent traffic. After all, if the network is indeed expected to be utilized by the public, is it fair for one user to significantly impact the performance of the network at the expense of other users, to include the owner himself?

In a perfect world, every network operator who wanted their network to remain private would not broadcast their SSIDs, enable password protection, and enable filtering of connections by known MAC addresses. Similarly, all networks intended for public use would be named after some variation of “Public Wireless 001″. Since the world’s not perfect, however, it’s up to everyone who runs a wireless network at home to learn how their equipment functions, and configure their networks appropriately. Similarly, we nomads of the digital age need to be aware that we’re not alone, and minimize our bandwidth footprint when network-squatting. At least until there really is a ubiquitous wireless shield around the globe.

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The New York Assembly is considering legislation that would prevent underage gamers from buying video games that perpetuate racial stereotypes, reports Kotaku. Talk about unfairly targeting video games. We wonder if the NY Assembly is considering the same type of ban on music videos, rap songs, television shows, movies, et al. Or, how about setting up a task force to hit the streets and prevent people themselves from perpetuating stereotypes? Ticket bad Asian drivers, baggy-pants-wearing black teens, beer-drinking Germans, Camaro-driving southerners, vegan Californians, etc.

The very idea of restricting media based on its portrayal of certain characters is painfully ignoring the reality that individual groups perpetuate stereotypes on themselves every single day.

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We’ve followed Ars Technica‘s take on the FISA for a long while now, and consistently shake our head when we read their latest thoughts. That’s not to say that there aren’t bits of truth in the respective commentary, but Ars Technica’s writers have become grossly negligent when it comes to FISA reporting. That’s not to say that their reporting is any worse than what we see from other news outlets, merely that we began following Ars Technica many years ago because of their consistently well-informed commentary on technical articles. That’s one of the reasons, after all, that we applied to moderate their gaming forum, and why we wrote for Ars Technica in the past.

Something happened, however, when Ars Technica expanded their staff and began reporting on non-technical matters; Ars Technica is still a great authority in many technical areas, their growth has negatively affected their overall expertise, and this is clearly seen in their FISA-related posts. With Ars Technica’s recent purchase and explosion into the media landscape, it is no longer the little hobbyist website it once was, and so it’s painful to see them stray so far from what respectable journalism should be.

Let’s take a look at Timothy B. Lee’s recent post on the subject, entitled “The new FISA compromise: it’s worse than you think“. This isn’t the first time a headline sets the tone for the rest of the article, and no doubt, in this case, it’s a biased one. We admit that there’s a certain stereotype that holds true with techies, and we’re not talking about the massive downloading of porn or the wearing of pocket protectors. Rather, we refer to the culture’s open distaste for anything government-related, which is in no small part derived from the hacker mythos that many techies subscribe to (e.g. phreaking, breaking into networks, reverse-engineering, circumventing DRM, etc). In other words, many of the esteemed activities of techies involves butting heads with the government, because many of these activities are, on paper, illegal.

Given the inherent conflict between an entity that makes and enforces laws and those who, at minimum, simply wish to explore what is technically possible even if it means countering the law, it doesn’t take much for a journalist to win techies over to an anti-government position. That’s especially true when pop culture routinely describes the government as corrupt, insincere, and the penultimate bad guy seeking to oppress the innocent. (Take The Matrix for example, which paints the Agents as the enforcer of oppression and slavery, which is an interesting change of pace from the Capone days, when government agents were revered as the good guys.)

In other words, most techies are inherently anti-government from the get-go, because they see the government as standing in the way of their freedoms. That’s all fine and good, but this position doesn’t need perpetuating, especially from someone who considers themselves a journalist. Yes, sensational journalism is everywhere, but that’s a sad force that indy journalism is capable of counteracting. Ars Technica, which sprang from the ether as such an indy medium, should be just as factual now as it once was, and if they don’t have the expertise on a particular topic, then they should leave the topic be and focus on what they do know about. Ars Technica is, after all, a web site about technical things, and while FISA techniques may involve the technical in regards to topics like the infamous wire-tapping by government entities, the discussion offered by writers like Lee isn’t on the technical techniques involved (which would arguably be more interesting to a techie audience) but on the law and legality of the authorizations. That’s not to say that public knowledge of the FISA authorization process is necessarily easy to obtain, because the FISA is inherently a classified set of provisions, but nonetheless, understanding its intricacies is what investigative journalism should be about. Instead, what we see from authors like Lee is a “doom and gloom” scenario that can only be described as fear-mongering.

For most all FISA-related articles one can find online, the authors barely do the background of the topic justice. After all, how many readers understand the actual history of the FISA before 9/11? Why does it exist? Why is final approval done through the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court instead of a court of normal federal judges? What federal entities are authorized to propose new FISA warrants? What are the steps necessary to do so, and how do they differ (if at all) from conventional search/surveillance warrants?

Rather than focus on the meat of the what/how behind the FISA, the media is content with making sweeping statements, such as those Lee makes without supporting them, which only makes us wonder if his primary source for the article was other media outlets, or if any investigative reporting occurred at all.

…the new legislation dramatically expands the government’s ability to wiretap without meaningful judicial oversight…

What does Lee define as a “dramatic expansion” (i.e. what specifically can the government do now that they couldn’t before)?

…the feds can drag their feet on getting authorization almost indefinitely.

Indefinitely?” Almost indefinitely? Here we thought a delay in authorization was only in emergency circumstances as Lee later proposes, just before pointing out that what he really means is “120 days”. Fortunately, we now have a numerical definition of “indefinitely”.

It also gives the feds unprecedented new latitude in selecting eavesdropping targets, latitude that could be used to collect information on non-terrorist-related activities like P2P copyright infringement and online gambling.

What does Lee consider “unprecedented new latitude”? Has there been an instance of the government pursuing a copyright infringement or online gambling case based on a FISA warrant? What source does Lee have to propose that this has happened, or even will happen?

[The] FISA sets a lower bar for approving surveillance than the process for obtaining ordinary criminal warrants.

That may be what “Civil libertarians” claim, but what is the support for that claim? Again, how do the processes between criminal warrants differ from FISA warrants? Is there a single reporter out there who dares find out and actually report it to the people?

…the government may discard information obtained about Americans as part of the required “minimization” procedures, but the government would retain significant latitude to decide which information it retains.

Here we go with the latitude bit again. If Lee isn’t clear on what the government means in regards to their “minimization” methodology, then how can he be sure that it doesn’t prevent the government from retaining non-applicable information on American persons?

Finally, the notion that the government could execute a “dragnet surveillance” on all international communications in a major city more easily than it could the communications of a single person in said city is nothing more than outright fear-mongering. As is Lee’s inference that coordination between foreign intelligence gathering organizations and law enforcement organizations will result in the FBI using NSA resources to obtain evidence of internet gambling, copyright infringements et al. Perhaps Lee should read up on the FBI’s mission and priorities and recognize that despite being a law enforcement organization, it’s top two goals are intelligence-related, making coordination with its intelligence partners a sensical move. Why Lee, and his counterparts in the media, like to draw random conclusions about inter-agency coordination is a question to ask them directly, though it’s certainly odd that they choose to assume the worst.

We don’t mean to pick on Lee alone, as we understand that he may have real concern over the direction of FISA law, but his recent article is like so many others in the media that it comes across as little more than pandering to an audience already biased against government actions. Yet the media as a whole doesn’t really inform its readers about the intricacies of the law, but merely generalizes and infers to paint a bleak picture about the big, dark, government machine, as though it is an instantiation of the Illuminati realized. Let’s step out of our Orwellian fascinations for a moment and remember that the media is supposed to be interested in the truth, not propaganda.

So to Ars Technica (a hive of villainy occupied by many of our friends), and to the many other publications out there, please begin reporting responsibly on these types of issues, because it’s more important that people understand them, than it is for people to fear them. If that understanding ultimately leads to fear, it’s better that people’s concern was borne from fact, than the reporter’s own bias.

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After Apple’s lawyers presumably spent many nights awake looking for looholes, they finally gave in and recognized that Apple needs to sell an unlocked version of the iPhone in France, because in Frenchland, carrier exclusivity is a no-no. Apparently, Apple’s lawyers did not find the same to be true in Germany, where Deutsche Telekom (i.e. T-Mobile) was awarded the iPhone exclusivity contract. Now, rival carrier Vodaphone has taken T-Mobile to court, receiving a temporary injunction to prevent sales of the iPhone.

Naturally, T-Mobile is appealing, but I’m keen on the drama coming out of the carrier exclusivity decision Apple has made, because they only people it’s helping are those with the big wallets at Apple and the respective exclusivity carriers. Consumers and rival carriers, meanwhile, don’t get to base their decisions on what really matters: who has the best rate and feature plans”.Similar Posts:

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Rating the Girls at hotornot.com

Though this article was compiled by WyldKard, thanks go to all those helping to create this ratings guide, including Wayne “The Dirty Frenchman” Pozzar, The American Hero, Jim “MoneyBags” Hawley, and our dear friend Al Cohol.

Introduction

Whoever came up with the idea of amihotornot.com should be awarded a frikken medal. There are few web pages out there that keep me entertained long enough to come back, and there are even fewer that I enjoy browsing with a group of friends. I mean, web-browsing is usually considered a solo-adventure, but amihotornot.com changed that.

Though a gorgeous site, giving us pictures of gorgeous women to drool over, and non-gorgeous women to flame and rate low, likely driving them to commit suicide in the night when they realize that they were right about no one loving them, the ratings system of the site has some definite problems, not the least of which is the fairly random ratings some surfers choose to endulge in. I mean, standards are good, people, and it is with this thought in mind that I partook in a seminar program to bring about the Ratings Consortium, which has since taken me on as a member. Actually, I helped form the damn thing, so they had to make me a member.

Okay, okay, I made up the Ratings Consortium. But if it did exist (which it ought to), it would publish these findings, which are as important as remembering not to wear boxers before a heavy workout. Yea, that important.

Now, please remember that though there may not be a Ratings Consortium, the information contained within this guide has been field-tested regardless, by a number of twenty-something males. In addition, though some of the information below might appear strange, it all serves a very good purpose. If, at any point, you question why we included something like “line drawing” in the minus section below, it’s because we’ve actually come across someone on amihotornot.com that posted a frikken line drawing of themselves.

Could this syetm be altered to rate the men of amihotornot.com? Most surely, but since I’m wholly uninterested in such, I will opt not to write that kind of an article, but rather wait to let one of our other staff writers to take on the project. *ahem*Calvin*ahem*. Well, in this most accurate of systems, the base score for starting any rating is 5. So before you instinctively move your cursor to one, or ten, stop what you’re doing. Yea, that’s right, sucka. Hover that cursor near five, and get ready to follow the guidelines.

The Creed

Before going on, you must recite The Creed. It goes as follows:

No face, no score.
No head, no score.
No skin, no score.

What does this mean, exactly? It’s quite simple, really. If the picture in question does not show the face of the woman, immediately rate the picture as low as possible and move on. This is also true if you can’t see the head of the woman at all, or if there is not enough skin shown. The qualifier “enough” is somewhat subjective, though we take it as meaning “an average amount of”. For instance, if the amount of skin shown is appropriate for a typical day out, and the woman is not covered in pounds of clothing (winter jackets, for instance), then the picture passed The Creed, which serves as stage one of our quick filtering method.

The Kosher Test

Named after Wayne “Kosher” Pozzar, a misplaced Frenchman from NY, this second stage of our filtration method consists of assigning more automatic zeroes for those unworthy of scores. While we could have easily included these criteria in The Creed, we decided to separate them for no particular reason. In fact, it makes as much sense as the French, which is, appropriately, why this phase was named after a toad. Er, a frog.

Automatic zeroes are assigned for the following:

Professional Model – The whole purpose of amihotornot.com is to rate your goon friends and other “average” people. To include professional models is simply unfair, and we take great pleasure in shouting “Not-See!” at the top of our lungs when such a picture comes up. Somewhere inside our drunken heads, we imagine the model can hear us, and we take pleasure in that.

Breasts Bigger Than Your Head – Boobies that big are not cool, man. Granted, some of you sickos may like 100lb hooters, but this guide isn’t for freaks like you. Your head size is the limit.

One Breast – Even worse than two ridiculously huge b00bies is the lack of a whole breast. Granted, most women have one breast larger than the other, but missing one entirely doesn’t count for anything.

Too Stupid to Post the Picture – C’mon, ladies. We know you secretly control the World Wide Web, and that your Internet presence is growing at a much faster rate than male-Internet use. As such, there’s no excuse for not being able to post your picture properly. Broken URL’s, “hosted-on” messages, etc, are unacceptable, and a low score is what you get as a result.

Baby Present – Sure, babies are cute, but not the type of “cute” we’re looking for when we surf amihototnot.com. In fact, the presence of any child, toddler, fetus, or whatever in your picture disqualifies you from a proper rating.

“He’s a Man, Baby!” – If you’re a guy, and post your picture in the female’s section of amihotornot.com, you should be shot.

Milli Vanilli – If you look like the infamous pop duo, you also deserve to be shot.

Statues – Stone figures, real dolls, mannequins, or anything else of the sort gets you a low score. Yes, even if they’re just in the background.

Anything That Makes You Exclaim, “AHHH!!!” – ’nuff said.

The Plusses

And here we are with the plus modifiers. Indeed, if you’ve survived The Creed and the Kosher Test, it’s time to up the value of your picture. The following table should be your guide:

Beer	+1
Bikini	+1
Cowboy Hat	+1
Drunk	+1
Latino	+1
Liquor	+1
Nice Car	+1
Nose Ring	+1
Pajama Pants	+1
Red Head	+1
Showing Midriff	+1
Asian	+2
"Bangable"	+2
Belly Ring	+2
Cheerleader Outfit	+2
D.S.L.	+2
Drawn-on Bikini	+2
"Gettin’ Into It"	+2
Guinness	+2
In Bed	+2
In the Gym	+2
Incidental Lengerie	+2
Leather/Latex	+2
Lesbian	+2
Tongue Ring	+2
Wine	+2
Dressed like a Devil	+3
Dressed like an Angel	+3
Nippage	+3
Smokin’ a Joint	+3
Gettin’ 40′s poured on ‘em	+6
Phagina	+10

The Minuses

What, did you think we’d let you add points and not take any back? Of course not. Again, we’ve put together a table to guide you:

80′s Haircut	-1
Animal Bigger than Person	-1
Baggy Clothes	-1
Bigass Picture	-1
Bleached Blond	-1
Copious Pink	-1
Crooked Nose	-1
Fake Breasts	-1
Goth	-1
Junk in the Trunk (large ass)	-1
No Ass	-1
Not "Into It"	-1
Pig Snout	-1
Sagging Breasts	-1
Scraggly Hair	-1
Shitty Car	-1
Under 70 Pounds	-1
Wreathe on Head	-1
Blurry Picture	-2
Braces	-2
Deer Caught in Headlights	-2
Flat Head	-2
Fuzzy Pictures	-2
Guy Touching	-2
Internet Connection Sucks	-2
Lip Ring	-2
Looks "Used"	-2
No Body	-2
No Breasts	-2
Over 40	-2
Picture is too Fucking Small	-2
Racoon Eyes	-2
Stupid	-2
Text in Picture	-2
Truck Face	-2
Under 16	-2
Wearing a Wig	-2
"What the fuck is that shit in the background?"	-2
Nice job using your DL pic, ya fuckin’ idiot!	-3
"Snaggletooth"	-3
URL in Picture	-3
Retahded-lookin’	-4
Showin’ off More Than You Have To	-4
Line Drawing	-5
Mustache	-5

The Weight Scale

Those magazines are only half right – guys don’t like super skinny chicks, and they certainly don’t like fat chicks. Well, guys in ancient Greece did, but we’re not them.

Skinny	-1
Slim	+1
Full	0
Chubby	-1
Fat	-2
Dear God!	-5

The Breast Scale

All Guys like breasts. They may not care about them entirely, but they certainly don’t mind them being there, within reason. It’s for this reason that the Breast Scale was compiled, and though it adds a level of complexity that some guys don’t want to deal with out of laziness, more accurate results can be found by incorporating this scale into your daily amihotornot.com rating routine.

	Board	A	B	C	D	DD	Dragging
Skinny	0	+1	+2	NA	NA	NA	-4
Slim	-1	0	+1	+2	+2	-1	-3
Full	-2	-1	0	+1	+2	-1	-2
Chubby	-2	-2	-1	0	+1	+2	-2
Fat	-3	-2	-2	-1	+1	+1	-1
Dear God!	NA	NA	NA	NA	NA	NA	NA

Done?

Almost, but not quite. Before you can click the final number rating, we’re giving you the option of raising or lowering the final rating by one point, but only by one point. This accounts for some cultural diversity – for instance, if you lived in ancient Greece, you may wan to rate that fat woman you’re eying a point higher, or if you live in France and you like hairy armpits, feel free to add a point. We’re all about compromising here, fellas.

Finally, if you have any suggestions for future revisions of this guide, send them our way.

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Preamble:

This constitution is fully endorsed and sanctioned by the International Dibs-Calling Committee (IDCC). The rules listed below apply to the calling of Dibs, also known as “The Call”. Dibs may be made on any single person, whose sexual gender meets the preference of the caller. Dibs is called to reserve the target of the call (“the Target”) for the caller only, preventing others from approaching the Target for a set period of time. A Dibs call ensures a reasonable opportunity to seduce the Target without competition. These rules are definitive and binding.

Section I: The Basic Rules

Article 1: In order to call Dibs, the caller must pronounce the word “Dibs,” verifiable by at least one other person. The caller must also identify the Target in a reasonable manner (i.e. “I got Dibs on the butterface in the yellow g-string”).

Article 2: Dibs may only be called if the enactor (“the Caller”) has seen the Target in person. (photographs, digital images, etc. do not count). Dibs can only be called when the Caller is in line-of-sight (LOS) of the Target; Dibs cannot not be made if the Caller has already departed the Target’s location.

Article 3: The Call guarantees that no other individual, other than the Caller, may make any effort at hooking up with (seducing, courting, etc.) the Target for 30 days.

Article 4: Anyone disrespecting a legitimate Dibs call may be proclaimed a jackass by the community, and forfeits all honour. The Community may henceforth actively seek to destroy any sort of relationship the disrespecting citizen attempts with the Target, and may be attacked on sight.

Article 5: Dibs may only be called on a target who is officially single. In the case where the Target’s status is unknown, Dibs is in effect until information presents itself that clearly established that the Target is already spoken for.

Section II: Special Cases

These special exceptions to the above rules should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.

Article 1: In the instance that the Dibs call was made after midnight, the 30-day period begins on the active day (the day in which one woke up).

Article 2: In the instance that the Caller is no longer interested in the Target, then the Caller may retract The Call. The Caller may not make a new Dibs call on the same target until another person calls Dibs on the target in question, and that call has elapsed. Dibs may not be surrendered to a specific person.

Article 3: In the instance that 30 days has elapsed since the Caller established Dibs, and the Caller has been unsuccessful in hooking up with the Target, then another individual may call Dibs on the Target. The individual whose time elapsed may not make a new Dibs call on the Target until after every potential candidate whom the original caller knows has either already called Dibs or has declined. If everyone has already called Dibs or declined, the slate is cleaned and anyone may call Dibs on the Target (except for the last caller, who must wait until at least one other person has called Dibs again). For purposes of this Article, “every potential candidate” includes only those people who were present when the original Dibs call was made.

Article 4: In the instance that the Target actively pursues a person who has not called Dibs, then the person the Target is after may submit to the Target’s desires, rendering the Dibs call irrelevant. For purposes of this Article, active pursuit will be determined only by those people present when the Dibs call was made; a majority vote will determine if the Target’s pursuit is “active”.

Article 5: In the instance that the Caller makes no significant effort at hooking up with the Target within 15 days of the call, then the Caller forfeits Dibs. Rules outlined in Article 2 are thusly followed.

Section III: The Free-for-All Rule (a.k.a. The Gang-Bang Rule)

Article 1: If a successful Dibs call has been made, the Caller may institute the Free-for-All Rule. In this case, all rules become obsolete, and Dibs may no longer be called on the Target until after the Target has hooked up with someone and broken up with them.

Amendments

Amendment I: The Lesbian Rule (a.k.a. Hot Dibs)

Contrary to its name, this Amendment is not gender-specific. If Dibs is called by someone of one gender (“Gender X”), then the Call may be overriden by someone of the opposite gender (“Gender Y”) by calling “Hot-Dibs.” This call is only legal if the Gender Y caller makes the override call within five minutes of the original Dibs call. All Dibs earned in this manner last only 15 days, not 30, and significant effort must be made within 7 days before this call becomes invalid (rather than 15).

Hot-Dibs can only be called by someone of Gender Y if the Target is the preferred sex of the Gender Y individual. In other words, Hot Dibs cannot be called simply to cock-block the original caller by someone of the Target’s gender.

Amendment II: Warring Factions

All rules within the Dibs Rulebook refer to a group of allied individuals (i.e. a group of friends, known as a “Faction”); the Dibs rules made by the Caller applies only to the Caller’s own Faction. Should this Faction recognize that Dibs was previously called by an individual in another Faction, the Caller’s Dibs call remains in effect. The Caller’s Faction may therefore attempt to sabotage the efforts of the opposing Faction’s caller.

As per Article 4 of the Basic Rules, all Factions are considered part of the Community. This establishes additional reinforcement of the rules governing a Dibs call.

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The International Shotgun Rules

Note: These rules were compiled from a variety of sources on the Internet, and modified for best readability, understanding, and conformity to the more popular set of shotgun rules. This consititution is fully endorsed and sanctioned by the International Shotgun Commission (ISC). Should readers believe there to be errors in this document, or have additions, they should kindly be provided to the ISC via e-mail.

Preamble: The rules listed below apply to the calling of shotgun (the passenger seat) in an automobile. These rules are definitive and binding.

Section I: The Basic Rules

Article 1: In order to call Shotgun, the caller must pronounce the word “Shotgun,” verifiable by the driver.

Article 2: Shotgun may only be called if all occupants of the vehicle are outside and directly on the way to the said vehicle.

Article 3: Early calls are strictly prohibited. Shotgun may only be called while walking toward the vehicle and only applies to the drive immediately forthcoming. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.

Article 4: The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.

Article 5: An optional rule, stating that before Shotgun may be called, the vehicle must be in sight (of the driver).

Section II: Special Cases

These special exceptions to the above rules should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.

Article 1: In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.

Article 2: If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.

Article 3: In the instance that the driver”s spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.

Article 4: In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.

Article 5: In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.

Article 6: In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three-hour trip with him crammed in the back.

Section III: The Bastard Rules (aka Survival of the Fittest)

Article 1: If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Bastard Rules on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting that of Section 1, Article 4, are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by whoever can take it by force.

Article 2: The driver must announce the institution of the Bastard Rules with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the damage done to the vehicle.

Please follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there are any arguments or exceptions not covered in these rules, the driver calls the shots, as stated in Section 1, Article 4.

Amendments

• Amendment I: The Laser Rule